its been a whi...

its been a while since i scribbled anything.why bother , thinking of the last week,i don't know .work home then workhomeinstalled flash 5 in order to learn thatbegan reading Super Cannes.i was walking behind this couple on friday night, noticed a familiar smell, they were sharing a joint before going to the pub. my thought on this was that the grass smelt of a low grade quality. i don't smoke like i used to,i'm not that interested in acting like some drooling fool who has no conversation.boring.might be able t o do some gigs in london, & have been asked to do the desk for others, most engineers are concerned about the rig blowing up, i had this problem before, all the sound work i have done uses square waves, not good for speakers.why can't the queen mum just die, odious senile hag, it was her 101 birthday drive about, its all over the tv, i'm just hexing her everytime it came on, i will raise a toast when she goes, and will party hard when we get rid of the monarchy in the septic isle.

road kill

since i have commenced the daily trek to work on a cycle, in this heat u cannot mistake the smell of rotting flesh.i have seen dead, a fox, badger, rodents, birds, rabbits, squirrel's, u can see the effects of daily traffic, that turns from fresh dead meat, to something flattened into the road. the dynamic of house has shifted now, a third person is staying here, she is some form of theatre practioner, direc tion, movement etc.all in all no.where !

random acts

the brass eye events unfold, now a major news story itself, highlighting the fact that in the uk that u can't have any form of debate on the subject. thought the catholic church's position on this matter has never come in for the same level of criticism on its evasion of kid fiddling priests.i got stung by an insect cycling home today, i have a large reddish welt on my stomach.and its still too hot.?????????????????????????????????????????^?????^ii?>=??????????no dollar sign in alt mode yet.time istime wastime shall be no morehe he he he he he he he he he ha ha ha ha ha ha

snuffle cats

another hot day, too hot for my liking.work is dull.there was a spoof show on tv this week which has outraged people, its subject matter being paedophilia. went to the beach for the first time this year, listened to and watched the waves crash onto the shore. sun & sand.

summer morning church bell

the peal of bells hung through out the town, the faithful being called to worship, having been at church on friday for a funeral service still i do not understand.dug out some early trever brown books yesterday, A Graphic History... and Necro Porno, strange looking at them again.made the mistake of watching blair witch 2, what a crock of shit, it actually had me laughing at its absurdity. i actually start work on monday, just money to enable me to get out of this town, just a comfortable rut really, Dublin seems to the destination.nihil

dark days

where are those words that would that could express truth ?not here.feeling miserable, yes. attending a funeral this friday. didn't get the job i went for. that more a less means that there are no attachments to this place for me, other than friends, but u can't allow that to hold u back, they will endure.have just finished watching A Matter of Life and Death on dvd, that clarified the mood, tearful and melancholic. i was at a party in town last week, knew many people there, an over riding sense of detachment to the events of the evening, i left when a friend who can't dj got on the decks.sat and watched the rain outside in the street, with a cat for company, oblivious creatures.silence, its all we strive for.

all kno...

all knownthat nothing can be known(that no thing can know)that in knowing still no thing knownknowing still nothing can be knownknow not nownow not nor neverword hush escape silenceknew notindistinct momentary knownindistinct momentary knowingtongue tied repetitiontongue tied afflictionafflicted sense of knowingknowing now knownknew notknow nothingnothing knows nothing knewknowing now knownin knowing knownknew nothing knownknowing nownow known knew nothingknew nothing no thing knownknew no thing no thing knownin knowing nowknow now nothingthings now known nothing no thingknew now knownknowing no thing nothing knownno thingnothing knew now knownsometime no where knowing nothing knownnow knowing no no knowing knew no thingnothing now nothing knownhow here where is that that's here nowknow no thing how not here now

yes...

yesterday was funny in respects, the bar i sometimes drink in has a night called 'busk & booze' accappella folk songs, acoustic guitar covers of oasis, human beatbox. plugged my laptop into the pa, a minute of digital flatulencethis morning met for coffee with a friend before she went back to cornwall, incidentally chatted about family myths and talesat home a phone call, my grandmother died today, she was married for 68 years. i feel nothing yet. when a friend committed suicide last year, this wrench pulled apart my world.maybe i'll have more to say later.

broken

events unfold, mistakes, inaction.nothing else worth typing here, what to say of the day i live.wakebuy newspapermake coffeeread paper, drink coffee, listen to radio 4leave housespend moneycome homeeat expend hrs doing nothingsleeprepeat

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxnoxthingxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxnothingxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxnadaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxnihilxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

textuality

Words once spoken are dead to the speaker. what is written is not what could be said, the text can always be edited before another reads it. in the moment words can be spoken without consideration.though having written this what consideration has gone to inscribing it now. self referential bollocks basicallybecketts not i & breath on tv, not good.the only human contact today is speaking to an answer phone, the only voice heard on another answer phone.

i'm sat here in ...

i'm sat here in the front room, the bass thump of a party echoes down the street, then about 3.30 gmt, a firework, rather noisey, not an uncommon happening in this town, explodes into the sky. now first light of this day is presaged.seems with live journal u can find pretty much the type of community or person u want, evidentally a lot of angst out there, then remembering my teenage years, what can u say. still the banality of these words. boredom. i need a cigarette, and i'm all out

silence

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxgonexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxbrokenxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxalonexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxtoop toop ping

Dead Ways

Footfalls count to journey's end this burden of sorrow, burden of grief. eyes held to mark the sky hung heavy cold about skin. about around company progress through mire and more. heavy march of time weighs about. footfall cease and tell. written as is told, unknown unknowable memory. as is this here this now, silence envelopes grey sky weeping. if told of you a moment spent within the transitory state of being, where would you be ?being here, trail of tears in leaving home sadness carried the day. being here to journey there, down and out, down again. passage marks marked way. times memory in leaving here. radon fracture buried heavy in time. ascent of transition. eclipsed moment of abandonment. ghost resonance walked away along aside. the haunted presence landscaped into dream. cease and fall, cease to fall succession fall. hill of dreams, sol niger zenith transit terminal. becoming rememberance.

banality

toop toop ping.the connection crashed, how to write beyond the mind staggering banality of the day to day.watching friends on lsd, shows the utter bankruptcy of this show, the most cynical & manipulative tv i've seen.the ultimate episode, where they are slaughtered in a live special.blah blah blah.

windows + wine

am sitting at the window where i have been sat for most for most of this week. sat here watching the 'pedestrains acts' of people passing by. i live above a shop on the one street in totnes, its only a 1/4 of a mile in length. looking down, generally unseen. wondering if De Certeau was right in his conclusions, they led me on a 'walkabout' for over a year, some good work came out of it, the Dead Ways txt & sound piece. more english 'ape-toff's' eliminated from the tennis, soon all of them will be out, then able to rejoice. my period of self loathing can come to an end, i apologised to the person i had wronged, the act which induced this state.beckett is on tv tonight in the uk, so i will be off to a friends to catch some of these, though it's his prose i prefer, esp. the later work of the 70's & 80's.i find myself online now at early hrs of the day, now waking up near six, i have a job interview tomorrow, so i might be earning soon, would be good to actually not to worry about money.well off to watch beckett soon

pathological loathing

an irrational hate list.beatlesbob dylanrolling stonesradioheadjohn lennonreligious fundalmentalistsliberal elitestop loadermartin amisuk garagemobile phoneswestlifedrug boressalman rushdieronan keatingjeffery archercelion dionleonardo di caprioexpectant motherserderly pedestrians'friends'dawson's creekcommercial radio excuse this, then i should not. if any one out there objects fuck u, wank wank, wank. i have also spent the day drinking wine so excuse the incorrect spelling.

alcohol, tennis

the events of days pass by. people leave. understanding that.tennis is being watched in the house, waiting for the moment when all the british players are soundly thrashed and we don't have to put up with the noise of a partisan crowd. 2 cats visited since the last entryenough

sundays

what to write, are u tempted just to write because u have the access, without the semblance of anything remotely inneresting to commit to its zeros and ones. blah, blah,blah, blah, blah

nothing

how much of a task does this become, finding words. self doubt, fuck it. another sunny day, tiresome if u ain't a sun worshipper. hiding in shadows. meeting people, where now.bored, idle fed up given up on the biography of Hallaj.

where is my mind

at home after a sunny day, warm sun and friendship. loved ones have come back, so the state of self loathing and abjection starts to fade, but that is what friends will do for u.tomorrow i start to put things to right.helen an old friend who comes and goes is now here, she makes me laugh.

may we live long and die out

trust the web to make u laugh, or cry with despair. sites advocating zero population growthhttp://www.vhemt.org/ then u find sites which which are sickening in the bigotry of pure hatred (the christian gallery)mind a fog as fingers hover above the strokeparts of my life come back to some semblance of normality ! have been considering funeral music to be played at a service, so fardurutti column sing to mecoil tiny golden bookscurrent 93 it's only time

mobile phones.

the microwave pulse of mobile phones, base stations, is likely to have the same effects as Brion Gysin's Dream Machine. Yet at the same time new research shows that phones can cause cancer in the eye, and generally screw up the body in a myriad of interesting ways. military research has already developed such weapons

mobile phones.

the microwave pulse of mobile phones, base stations, is likely to have the same effects as Brion Gysin's Dream Machine. Yet at the same time new research shows that phones can cause cancer in the eye, and generally screw up the body in a myriad of interesting ways. military research has already developed such weapons

summers sun

there is no other recourse than to words, with this failure of expression, the constant urge, commiting suicide with every stroke.where i live people will be performing their rituals, gathering to take drugs, other staying at the beach, i'm off soon to record a talk on the heatlh dangers of low level microwave radiation, all those who use mobile phones should worry.

well havi...

well having written first words decided to look through some of the others who seem to share the same interests, quite pleasing when there others out there who share the same taste, jt, one of the people i share the place with can't listen to the stuff i like, played him bull baiting by h3o, he ran out of the room after a few seconds, claimed the sound was inside his head, that he felt he was in a submarine at the bottom of the sea. its sounds even better live on a 2k rig when you're a bit blasted.a potent memory to write of, seeing Coil last september for Constant Shallowness... at the rfh, very powerful, would have been so even without the pick me up, the cd of the same, not often i will listen all the way through, and time machines is the one cd i've taken off when blasted

first words

contemplating first words, always the struggle for something worthwhile to record, incidental details today. listened to radio, read two broadsheet newspapers, watched a documentary on Gilbert & George, a film were the central character is a electro-acoustic musician, finished a sound piece based on test tones.contemplating the state of abjection and self loathing i've been subjecting myself to, you always punish yourself the hardest, its uncalled for, you've wronged, but people will forgive . as an indication i listened to pita, scala, that said words never tell the truth, so end